Studying abroad is a magical experience. You meet new friends, engage in a new culture, and of course, try new food. However, during my time abroad, the biggest complaints my peers would tell me was that their host family wasn’t great or how they wanted to move. I personally loved my host family when I was abroad since my host mother was so kind and loving. So what are the reasons why students may experience issues with their host families? 

The biggest reasons I think are a lack of connection and understanding due to language barriers and cultural differences such as mannerisms or expectations. A key thing we have to remember is that when we’re abroad we’re not in America. When you enter your new country you’re no longer protected by the American culture, instead you must follow and be open minded to the host country you’re staying in. 

Another reason students tend to feel disconnected from their host families is the types of rules placed, such as not showering after a certain time or not being able to bring friends over. These rules will change based on the host families preference, nonetheless there should be a mutual respect between both parties, even if you don’t like it, you should show consideration and make an effort to follow their guidelines.

Now that we’ve looked at how students sometimes disconnect from their host families, here are five tips to help you better engage with yours. These are lessons I took from my experience abroad that will hopefully help you too!

1. Speak the language

Language has the power to bring people together. Even if you’re not confident, try to speak with your host family, they’re often your best teachers and will support you no matter your skill level. I remember trying to speak Spanish with my host mom and through those conversations, I learned a lot about her and she learned a lot about me. 

A good place you can start is during meal times.  You can try small conversation starters, like asking questions about each other’s day or about the meal you’re eating. Even if you’re not very talkative, or if conversation doesn’t come naturally, a little effort can go a long way.

Another thing you can do is making sure to ask for help on certain words or vocabulary.

2. Participate in activities with host family

I remember during my time abroad, I had a peer who would go to the bar with his host mom twice a week just to talk and spend time together. While that might be a bit extreme, it highlights an important idea – finding shared activities can really help you bond.

For me, I would watch the news or movies with my host mom, which gave us simple ways to connect. The more you spend time together, the less you’ll feel like strangers. It doesn’t have to be anything big – start small by watching a movie, helping cook, or just sitting and talking. If you’re comfortable, you could also suggest going for a walk or grabbing a meal together.

Of course, every culture has its own boundaries, but making an effort to find common ground can make your experience much more meaningful.

3.  Open communication

There’s a disagreement. At the end of the day, both sides are adults, so if something doesn’t feel right, it’s important to speak up respectfully. You shouldn’t feel like you have to hide your feelings, but it’s just as important to express them in a way that isn’t rude or confrontational.

If the behavior continues or becomes overwhelming and there’s no improvement, make sure to reach out to your housing coordinator for support. It’s also a good idea to document what’s happening if the issue persists, so you have a clear record and won’t be dismissed as overreacting.

4.  Meal times 

I remember when I first studied abroad in the summer of 2022, my host father emphasized how important mealtimes were as a chance to connect over good food. No matter the culture, sharing a meal is a universal way people come together to talk and bond. Let’s be honest – eating in silence can feel a bit awkward, so it’s important to make an effort to engage in conversation.

I’ve also noticed that some students skip meals to go out, but I personally think mealtimes should be a priority. It’s often the main opportunity you have to spend time with your host family and build a relationship. Plus, host families put in the effort to prepare meals for you, so the least you can do in return is show up, be present, and appreciate that time together.

5. Express gratitude 

I think this is something many students don’t always consider. Showing appreciation doesn’t have to be extravagant – it can be as simple as saying “thank you.” It might also be bringing home flowers, picking up small snacks, or offering another thoughtful gesture. Even something like a hug can show gratitude, though it’s important to be mindful that not all cultures are comfortable with physical touch, so other forms of appreciation may be more appropriate.

These small expressions go a long way in letting your host family know they’re valued and that they’ve made a positive impact on your experience.